When it comes to dating, it’s usually best practice to not go after your friend’s ex. However, life happens, and you may find yourself attracted to someone your friends have dated in the past.
There are a few reasons to consider your options before you really go for a friend’s ex, but if you are still interested, here are a few things to think about before you ask them out on that first date:
- Examine your judgement: since your friend dated this person first, you’ve likely heard all sorts of things about them. You might have heard the good, the bad, and the ugly, but have you heard the truth? Every relationship has its ups and downs but consider that you may not have heard all sides of the story just from your friend. Additionally, consider the fact that your friendship might be in decline if you date their ex.
- Think about the consequences: if you date your friend’s ex, are you choosing sides? Your friendship might be irretrievably damaged by this choice. Friendship is stronger than most relationships.
- Talk to your friend: if you’re really considering dating a friend’s ex, talk to your friend first. This gets any bad blood out in the open so that you can have an open and honest discussion about both of your feelings. If they aren’t comfortable with you dating their ex, really do consider their side of things before you jump into the deep end.
- It’s all about timing: breakups are difficult, no matter how long the relationship lasted. If your friend and their partner have just broken up, don’t run in to pick up the pieces. Give the relationship time to cool down and for your friend and their ex to get back to healthy, comfortable places. Long-term relationships should be given plenty of time before you consider going after a friend’s ex.
- On again, off again: some relationships start and stop, then start and stop again. If your friend is in the habit of breaking up and getting back together with their partner over and over, make sure you aren’t going to get caught up in the cycle. Give the relationship time to really be over before you make a move.
- Assess the relationship: if your friend broke up with their partner, ask yourself why. Were their reasons valid? Are they emotionally charged after the breakup? If their partner broke up with them, they likely are sad and angry. They might not react well to your interest in their ex if their breakup was bad.
- Wait for new opportunities: your friend is much more likely to be ok with you dating their ex if they have moved on to a new relationship first. The excitement of having a new person in your life makes it easier to forget the way a different relationship may have ended. Everyone gets over a relationship in their own time, so don’t rush your friend even if you are interested in dating their ex.
In the end, dating your friend’s ex is a judgement call. You have to make sure your friend is going to be ok with your choice and that there will be no harm done to your friendship. There could be consequences to this choice, so make sure you know what you are getting into before you dive into anything serious.
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I agree with the sentiment that every breakup and subsequent relationship is unique. The idea of assessing why the initial relationship ended and considering your friend’s current emotional state is fundamental to making an informed decision.
The article raises some very valid points regarding the complexities of dating a friend’s ex. The emphasis on communication and understanding all sides of the story is crucial. Relationships are multifaceted, and one should be prudent in making such decisions.
This whole article seems overly cautious and borderline pessimistic. Are we supposed to put our own happiness on hold indefinitely because someone else might have lingering feelings? Sometimes, you just have to follow your heart and let the chips fall where they may.
It’s refreshing to see a piece that considers both sides of such a delicate issue. People often overlook the emotional ramifications for all parties involved. Communication is key, as is respecting your friend’s feelings. Well spoken!
Agreed. The author does a good job in emphasizing the importance of timing and empathy. Kudos to those who can navigate this minefield gracefully.
I appreciate the thorough examination of various scenarios that could arise when considering dating a friend’s ex. It’s important to weigh the potential impact on existing friendships and ensure that all parties have moved on emotionally.
Talking to your friend beforehand is a sound piece of advice. Open communication can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that everyone’s feelings are taken into account. It’s about respecting the friendship as much as pursuing a new relationship.
Ironically, the article essentially serves as a detailed guide for how to potentially sabotage your friendships. If we need so many rules and considerations, perhaps dating a friend’s ex isn’t worth it to begin with. Just a thought.
This post elucidates the complexities involved in dating a friend’s ex quite comprehensively. The balance between personal desire and ethical considerations is well-articulated. Kudos to the author for such a well-rounded and insightful perspective.
The advice to give time for emotions to settle post-breakup before pursuing a friend’s ex is particularly noteworthy. Time can offer perspective and reduce emotional volatility, which is beneficial for everyone involved.
Oh great, another set of love commandments to abide by. Perfect for those of us who needed even more guidelines to complicate our already intricate love lives. What’s next, a manual on how to breathe?
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