When you’re in love, you see the best in someone else. You want them to succeed and to thrive, growing and moving along the path of life with you. Unfortunately, love can cloud our vision of another person to make us see what we want to see, rather than what really is. We like to think that our love is strong enough to change people, and yet we are continuously disappointed when that turns out not to be the case.
When we expect someone to change in a relationship, we are setting ourselves up for failure. People do change over time as they grow and evolve, but our love doesn’t always serve as the catalyst for that change. Rather, we should work to love our partner for who they are and where they are in their life in the present moment. This lets us love them for who they are, not for whom we hope they will become.
There is a myth in our culture that says if we love someone enough, we can change them. Unfortunately, this simply isn’t true. Our love is not a tool to be used to fix other people, nor should you feel as though you’ve failed if your love fails to make another person behave better.
No amount of love can change an aggressive, angry, or abusive partner. We’re only lying to ourselves if we think that the situation will change as a result of how we feel about someone, or what we can do to support them. A truly equal, loving, and supportive relationship is a balancing act between two people becoming who they are supposed to be.
If your relationship isn’t resulting in respect, love, and kindness, it’s not a relationship you should be in. Relationships that compromise who you are and how you feel about yourself are abusive and bad for you. If you can’t find another person to treat you with kindness and respect, treat yourself this way instead by being single. You should be able to love yourself with dignity, respect, and self-love.
Everyone has good and bad inside them, but it isn’t your job to make someone else see their goodness and practice it daily. You should be worried more about your own goodness and displaying that in your own life. This can attract others who see you for who you truly are, and who don’t expect you to fix them.
Some people want to be in a relationship where they can manipulate another person. Others are used to being manipulated and look for relationships where they can ‘fix’ the other person. These relationships are doomed from the start. This sets the bar very low for your expectations of what you can expect to receive from a relationship.
In the end, you are in charge of writing your own love story. You are in control of the decisions you make and the people you date. You should be in a relationship that reciprocates the love that you give. Ultimately, you deserve to be loved for exactly who you are right now and to find a partner that you love for exactly who they are.