There’s a stereotype in our culture that tells us that women love to love jerks. We like the bad boy, the rebel without a cause, the passionate love affair that ends in flames. Whether this is true for you or not, most of us have dated at least one guy who could be considered a total jerk. Sometimes dating these jerks can become a habit, as we get used to their low-maintenance approach to life and relationships.
Some men (and women!) can be total narcissists. Every word that comes out of their mouth is about them; they rarely ask questions about you, and you feel like you have to fight to get a word in edgewise. Our behavior can change when we date jerks- we become defensive and mean, defending our partner even when we know we aren’t experiencing real love. We cling to any semblance of a relationship, not wanting to risk change.
No one deserves to have anything less than real, true, unconditional love. Unfortunately, it might take dating some jerks before you realize how important it is to seek out true, honest, and good relationships.
When we date jerks, we make our self the victim. When we date someone who is deceitful and manipulative, we are setting the standard that this is how we want and deserve to be treated. Certain personalities will dominate you- they will seek to control you, define you, and isolate you.
When you are in a relationship with a jerk, you cling to the small moments of normalcy and kindness that they show you. You give up your pride in the name of love because you think that this person is the one who knows you best. They want what is best for you, even when they are busy ignoring you or treating you poorly.
If you’re in a relationship that sounds like this, consider these warning signs:
- Do your friends and family not like this person?
- Do you contact them only to vent about your partner’s latest indiscretions?
- Do you feel resentful towards them every day?
- Do you feel that you are the only one that can ever say something positive or give your partner a compliment?
- Do you find that you are doing whatever it takes to get a little bit of attention from them?
- Do you feel like you do not have anything positive to say about the relationship?
- Do you consider your love to be something that is trying and hard?
- Do you feel that no one can get close to you anymore because of your partner?
If your close friends and family have concerns about your relationship, listen to them. These people are the ones who truly know you better than anyone else.
In the end, only you can choose to not fall for jerks. Remember to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, and others will follow your example.
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