Notches on Your Bedpost

Notches on Your Bedpost

The number of people that we’ve had sex with is just that- a number. It doesn’t tell anyone who those people were or how we felt about them. In any new relationship, though, this all-important number inevitably comes up in conversation.

It’s always best to be honest with your partner about how many people you’ve slept with if they ask. However, you are under no obligation to tell them how many people you’ve been with. That is your business and, again, the number doesn’t indicate the circumstances around those encounters. People are intimidated by the number, when it really doesn’t matter at all.

If you do tell your partner your number and they tell you theirs, hold back all judgement. Those people are in their past, and it is part of who they are. This number does not influence how your relationship will turn out.


There is no perfect number of sexual partners to have in your life. There are stigmas attached to sleeping with a small number of people just as there are stigmas attached to sleeping with a lot of people. But how many people is too many, and how few people is too few? There are no good answers to these questions.

When you are with a new partner it’s very important to be up front about your sexual health and what you want. Of course, if you have any STIs or other sexual health concerns, talk to your partner. Together you can move forward happily, healthily, and united. If they are concerned about aspects of your sexual health, continue talking about them. Getting everything out in the open is the best policy.

Remember that the number of sexual partners you’ve had doesn’t mean that your next relationship isn’t meaningful, committed, or important. you should be able to connect with a new partner on many levels, including a sexual level. By being honest and forward with what you need and want you can create a sustainable and stable partnership together.

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