Relationship Double Standards


A double standard is when you are in a relationship and you want someone to do something that you aren’t willing to do.  This can include:

  • Having high expectations without finding fault in themselves for breaking the expectations.
  • Feelings that the standards are too high, but the partner isn’t meeting them.

As soon as the double standard is dealt with, there is a chance that the relationship can move forward.

Having a Double Standard

A double standard means that you expect something from someone and you don’t feel like you need to do it yourself. This sometimes happens in relationships, and it can happen because of gender roles. Some men think that they have the power because they are the man, and they try to make the rules without the consent of their partner.

A double standard is not fair, and it can cause the relationship to fail. This can also lead to cheating and even abuse.

Types of Double Standards

A double standard is a double standard no matter what it is. This happens by the way that people think things should be or by their habits. It can be something that gets in the way of any relationship rather good or bad.

But, it is important to note that a double standard doesn’t mean that a person is a narcissist or that they have a mental illness. This can really mean that they have different thoughts that they grew up with.

What is a Double Standard in a Relationship?

People in a relationship can often have double standards and this can lead you into a relationship that isn’t good. Here are some of the double standards people experience:

You Want Your Partner to Not Spend Money But You Spend a Lot

If you are with someone and you think that they should watch their finances, you need to take care of your own spending habits. You should not try to keep your partner from spending money if you are spending it as well.

The best thing you can do is to talk about finances and figure out how to spend money wisely and how to make money decisions together.

Cleaning Up Their Messes

When you want your partner to clean up after themselves but you are leaving heaping messes, this is a double standard. There should be shared chores in the house and you should make sure that you are doing what you ask your partner to do.

Being Nice or Critical

If you want your partner to be nice to you then you need to make sure that you aren’t being critical all the time. Don’t complain about what your partner is doing if you are doing the same thing.

Faithful Versus Cheating

You should never expect your partner to be faithful with you if you are cheating or considering cheating on them. If you aren’t committed to the relationship, don’t expect them to be.

Content with Less

Make sure that you are sharing things with your partner. Don’t make your partner have little when you want to keep things for yourself. When you want your partner to downsize their stuff, make sure that you are doing that as well.

Modest Versus Chaste

Don’t expect your partner to dress modest when you are dressing chaste.  Don’t be opposite of what you want your partner to be. If you want a partner that is modest and pure, be the same.

Housework Versus Laziness

You should never expect your partner to keep up the house and you to do nothing. You both share the space and you should make sure that you are sacrificing yourself to help keep the house in order.

Respect Versus Disrespect

Don’t expect your partner to respect you when you are showing nothing but disrespect. This can even go to the verge of being abusive.

Canceling Plans

When you make plans without talking to your partner, you should not expect them to cancel their plans because of your plans. This should be something that you both respect of each other. Make sure that you talk these things through and if someone made plans without asking, they should be the ones to cancel them.

Texting Fast

Never expect your partner to text you back fast when you wait for hours to answer their messages. When they text you and you want them to text you back, treat them the same way.

Setting Boundaries

Make sure that you are setting boundaries and that you are following them, if that is what you want. Don’t let your partner set boundaries and then you break them but expect them to follow yours.

Health and Wellbeing

Keep your partner feeling and looking healthy. Don’t try to make them look or feel a certain way when you aren’t working to help them to feel better about who they are. You should always be concerned about what your partner is doing or feeling.

Following Your Beliefs

You should never expect your partner to pick up your thoughts and beliefs, especially if you aren’t going to agree on theirs.  There will be times that you agree with each other and times that you disagree. This is okay as long as there is still love and respect.

Dealing with a Double Standard

As you learn to know when double standards show up, there are things you can do to work through them:

  • Discuss this with your partner.
  • Ask your partner to not give you a double standard.
  • Talk to a therapist or counselor.
  • Get couple therapy.
  • Treat each other how you want to be treated.

Now that you understand what a double standard is, make sure that you are living a life the best that you can. Make sure that you aren’t giving double standards to your partner, either and that you are being fair.