Understanding the Narcissist and the Harm They Do

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Understanding the Narcissist

Narcissists are unique in that they often enjoy the brief burst of relief after they have suffered emotionally or have sustained a loss, even though this is totally irrational. They view this as a sense of freedom which comes from being free.

Addicted to Seeking Scorn

The narcissist can feel that he has found himself in losing everything. He may feel recharged and re-born, able to take on new territories and challenges. This feeling becomes so addictive that the narcissist may begin seeking pain, scorn, and contempt as long as they are in public and bring on scorn from peers and superiors. This scorn is then resonated internally making the narcissist feel he is worthy of the penalty he received. While this is a masochistic streak, narcissists are also sadists.

Inflicting Pain and Abuse

Narcissists will often inflict pain and abuse on others, and some enjoy abusing and tormenting others. Most do these things automatically and without reasons. A narcissist will often devalue others off-handedly and discard people, friendships, and partnerships without hesitation.

Goal Oriented

What is unusual about the narcissist’s sadistic behaviors is that they are weirdly goal oriented. Pure sadists have no goal except the pursuit of pleasure-pain as an art form. The narcissist, by comparison, haunts, and hunts victims because he wants them to reflect his inner turmoil. This is known as a projective identification.

Expressing Emotions

When a narcissist is unhappy, hurt, injured, or disappointed, he cannot sincerely express his emotions or at least feels unable to do so openly. To do so would be admitting to frailty, weakness, and neediness.

Since the narcissist deplores his personal humanity, his vulnerability, emotions, gullibility, failures, and inadequacies are something he hides in his own way. So, he makes use of other people to express his frustration and pain, anger, and aggression.

Mental Torture, Violence and Revenge

The narcissist will achieve this by mentally torturing others to the point that they are going crazy. He may even drive them to violence or revenge. Narcissists force people to lose their own character traits and adopt those of the narcissist. The continued, well-targeted abuse may leave the target to become abusive, ruthless, and lacking in empathy even if it was not who they were prior to meeting the narcissist. As the target mirrors the narcissists behaviors, it relieves the narcissist of the need to directly express himself.

Walking Away Attachment Free

Once the narcissist creates this mirror, they withdraw and let go. The inner demons have temporarily been purged and he can now walk away without a thought and attachment free.

The narcissist rarely has remorse, though he may follow extreme abuse by an act of great care swinging between the two extremes. This sudden shift from sadism to altruism are the hardest and most confusing for people involved with a narcissist.

The swings cause people around a narcissist to have emotional insecurity, feel a lack of self-worth, and often experience great anxiety. Over time, emotional paralysis ensues, and the victim becomes the same emotional wasteland as the narcissist. This can last even after the narcissist is long gone.

Narcissists can be damaging to the health. If you are in a relationship with one, protect yourself and get away as soon as possible.

13 COMMENTS

  1. The notion that narcissists use others to express their frustration and pain is a compelling insight. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for anyone dealing with narcissistic individuals, whether in personal or professional settings.

  2. This article provides some profound insights into the behavior and motivations of narcissists. The well-articulated connection between their internal suffering and external actions is quite revealing.

  3. Oh, the endless layers of self-inflicted torment and the apparent joy that narcissists derive from their own misery. Truly, a modern-day Greek tragedy!

  4. The breakdown of projective identification and its impact on victims is quite informative. It’s crucial for people to recognize these signs and protect themselves.

  5. Ah, the narcissist: society’s true performance artist. To think they go through all that trouble just to feel something, anything, even if it’s scorn. How marvelously tragic!

  6. This article encapsulates the complicated and destructive patterns of behavior exhibited by narcissists. The portrayal of their sadistic tendencies combined with goal-oriented actions is particularly insightful.

  7. This article does a great job explaining the cyclical nature of a narcissist’s behavior, swinging between extreme abuse and acts of care. It sheds light on why it can be so hard for victims to break free from such relationships.

  8. What a thought-provoking article! It offers a deep and comprehensive analysis of the intricate behaviors of narcissists, shedding light on the complex mechanisms behind their actions. The clarity with which the author explains the goal-oriented sadism and projective identification is both enlightening and alarming. This piece is a must-read for anyone trying to understand the toxic dynamics that can emerge in relationships with narcissists.

  9. I find the premise of this post highly questionable. Not every narcissist fits into this overly dramatic portrayal of sadism and masochism. It’s a rather hyperbolic generalization.

    • It’s less about generalization and more about understanding extreme cases. Not all, but some do exhibit these harmful behaviors.

    • Perhaps it’s a generalization, but it’s based on observable behaviors. Some narcissists indeed follow these toxic patterns.

  10. The discussion of projective identification and the narcissist’s inability to express vulnerabilities publicly provides a thorough understanding of the psychological mechanisms at play. It would be interesting to delve deeper into the therapeutic approaches for those affected by such behaviors.

  11. The explanation of how narcissists manipulate and mentally torture others to reflect their inner turmoil is both chilling and enlightening. It is important for individuals to recognize these signs early and seek appropriate help.

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