Have you just started dating someone new and you feel that they are the best person that you have ever met? You feel that you are ready for this new relationship, and you are excited that your heart feels a live again. But, then after a few dates, you start to feel like something isn’t right. You ignore this feeling because you want to have love again and so you tell yourself that you’re just overthinking or being ridiculous about things. You talk to yourself, and you encourage yourself and the relationship. You tell yourself that some people aren’t ready to be romantic as fast as you are and that sometimes people like to take things slowly.
Sometimes though, when someone isn’t ready to be in a relationship, you might end up being a backup lover. If you feel like this is what you are, you need to be careful about your heart and what relationship you are getting in to.
There are some people that want to have more than one option when it comes to dating. There are certain signs that you can look for that can help you to make better decisions about love. Find out if they are in to you for love or if they are just using you as a backup plan.
Signs You Are a Backup Plan
Here are some signs that you are someone’s backup plan:
- Inconsistent: They see you whenever they want, and they make up excuses like working late or being sick, so they don’t have to come.
- They drop in last minute but don’t really date you on weekends because they are busy.
- Taking vacations without you: They have been dating you a while, but they go on vacation without asking you to go.
- You catch them lying to you.
- They make plans with you, but they don’t ever keep them, or they cancel last minute.
- They give their time to everyone else but you.
- The mom of their child is still in their life, and they call them often.
- Talk to their ex on a regular basis.
- There are many best friends that you haven’t ever met.
- They live with someone or are married.
- Their dating profile is active.
- You don’t know their friends and you haven’t been invited to meet them.
- Never go out on public dates with them.
- You aren’t a priority.
- They put work and fun over you.
- Never make the choice to video chat you and only text you.
- You aren’t invited to their home.
- They talk to you only when they are at work.
- There is no contact with them.
- Spending a lot of time with friends.
- They don’t tell you personal things about themselves.
- Always dating other people.
- They don’t share their feelings with you.
- No social media acknowledgements of you.
- Communicate only by text.
- Communicate at weird hours.
- Text you on the run or only text once in a while to respond.
- You’ve not met their family.
- Always have emergencies that make them have to leave.
If you find that you can answer yes to a lot of these things, it probably means that they are using you as a backup plan. Here are some ways to help you if you are only a backup:
- If they break a date with you then don’t bother sorting your schedule for them.
- Ask questions and make them disclose things about their life.
- If you have been dating for less than 6 months, then let them develop.
- Figure out how long their last relationship was.
- Have boundaries for them talking to their exes.
- If you don’t understand where the relationship is, ask.
- Let them know what you want in the relationship.
- If you want to be exclusive, tell them.
- If they make plans without you then ask if you can go and if they tell you no, ask them why.
- Allow them to have friends and try to meet their friends.
- Remember that not everyone is open to sharing their past right away, ask questions and be patient.
- If they are acting shady, find out why.
- If they live with their partner, don’t go out with them until they move out.
- Don’t agree to last minute dates.
You don’t have to necessarily quit dating this person, but you do need to have boundaries and you do need to lay the law down on what you want in the relationship. Before you invest all of your time to this person, make sure that you are both in the relationship for the right reasons. If you aren’t getting what you want out of the relationship, don’t feel bad for moving on.
Relationships that start slow are okay and sometimes people don’t want to rush into things before they really know what they want. Be acceptable of that. Some relationships are just physical. Make sure that you know if you are in this kind of relationship and if you want something more, tell your partner and if they don’t, feel free to move on. Not everyone is secure and sometimes people aren’t quite ready. You need to decide what you are willing to put up with and not.
