Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. This happens when the abuser will make you see your reality as fake and will make you look at things differently to benefit them.
Understanding Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form or emotional abuse, and it changes the reality of your perception. This can be manipulation that causes you to have no self-esteem and to feel bad about who you are. This term ahs been around since 1938 and later became popular with some movies where the husband would manipulate someone to get what they wanted from their wife.
Signs of Being Gaslit
If you are someone that is being gaslit, here are some things that you might see:
- They say that you did things that you didn’t do.
- They deny the way that you describe events.
- They call you crazy.
- They call you overly sensitive.
- They doubt you to other people.
- They blame everything on you.
- They insist they are right.
- They refuse to see the real facts.
If you are someone that always is second guessing things because of someone else, then chances are your partner is gaslighting you. This might cause you to feel that you are not able to make real decisions in your life. Here are some signs that you are being gaslit:
- You always want to apologize even when you aren’t wrong.
- You don’t believe you can do anything right.
- You feel anxious or nervous.
- You have no confidence.
- You wonder if you are overly sensitive.
- You feel that you don’t know who you are.
- Blame yourself when things go wrong.
- You have a sense that something is wrong, but you aren’t sure what.
- You feel hopeless and frustrated.
These are feelings that will come because of people mistreating you and making you feel bad about who you are. You might have someone that makes you think that you are always wrong such as:
- You are always confused, and you keep forgetting things.
- I wouldn’t tell you these things if I didn’t care about you.
When you are being gaslit, you might make changes so that you can change for your partner such as:
- Doing things to please others even if it hurts you.
- Asking questions about the choices that you make.
- Making excuses for the people that mistreat you.
- Lying to yourself.
- Isolating from others to avoid conflict.
- Looking at your actions or words to make sure you did everything right.
- Spending no time doing things that you like.
Why Do People Gaslight Others?
Gaslighting often happens because people want to have power over others. They will make other people question their own thought and actions so that they can have control over them.
What Does Gaslighting Look Like?
Gaslighting isn’t just someone lying to you or having a different idea than you and so sometimes it is hard to see. Here are some different stages of gaslighting:
- Disbelief: This is when someone has behavior, but you ignore it.
- Defense: You begin to defend yourself.
- Depression: You feel that you are sad because you are constantly being questioned.
Anyone can gaslight you and it doesn’t have to be someone close to you. Doctors sometimes do this to patients; politicians do this to constituents and then you might have people that do it to you.
Family Gaslighting
You might have a mother or a father that you get along with, but they question you when you get home late. They might ask you why you aren’t home to take care of them like you should have been.
When you mention that you didn’t know that you needed to be, they might say that you made promises that you didn’t keep. Even if you know that this isn’t true, they will try to sway your version of what happened.
Relationship Gaslighting
Being with someone in a relationship that is gaslighting you can go like this:
- I’m not cheating on you.
- How can you accuse me of cheating when I work all day and come home to you. You aren’t even here when I get here so you are probably the one that is cheating.
Even though the first response is a lie, the second one will make you feel that you are the one that is guilty of something. This can make you question if you even believe they are having an affair or not because you are probably wrong based on how your partner talked to you.
Boss Gaslighting
This can be when you get a promotion, but someone keeps taking your papers and other things because they wanted the promotion. When you ask about it, they say things like, “Are you accusing me of something?”
And when it keeps happening and you ask again, you might get a response like, “You might not be able to handle the responsibility of the promotion because of all the changes.”
As a Patient Being Gaslit
You go to the doctor because you are tired, and you are moody. Your doctor doesn’t think that anything is wrong with you, and they tell you that you need to see someone else such as a therapist. They dismiss your problems, and they tell you to go and see someone else about it.
Why Use Gaslighting?
Gaslighting will work to get people to get the approval that they want from you. It is extreme and it can be something that makes you doubt who you are and to be more insecure. You might have someone make you doubt that other people like you or that there are people taking advantage of you.
How to Respond
When you find that someone is gaslighting you, here are some things that you can do:
Get Help
Talk to someone that you love that loves you back. Here is what they can do for you:
- Help you to see their perspective.
- Give you clarity.
- Give you emotional support.
Isolation can come from gaslighting, and it can be dangerous if you are being gaslit and you are isolating from people that care for you.
Take Note
Notice when someone is telling you something, write it down. This way if they later say that you didn’t say that you can have proof from both sides.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are important in all relationships. When you need some space from someone, here are some things that you can do:
- Tell them that they remember things differently.
- Tell them if they call you crazy then you are leaving.
- Refuse to talk to them if they scream at you.
Make sure you always stick to your boundaries.
Be Yourself
Make sure that you are always being who you are even if you are being gaslit. Take care of who you are and make sure that you are getting your needs met.
Get Help
Here are some things that gaslighting can do to you:
- Make you feel that you have no worth.
- Make you feel bad about decisions that you make.
- Bring on depression and anxiety.
You can talk to a mental health professional to get help that you need. Talking to a therapist can help you by:
- Knowing what you are afraid of and finding your worth.
- Working through painful emotions.
- Accepting that you didn’t cause the abuse.
- Help you set boundaries.
- Help you to get over manipulation.
- Help you manage stress.
- Help you to handle problems effectively.
You can get couples counseling if you need to do this so that you can resolve conflict and learn to communicate better with your partner.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting can be a form of abuse and manipulation that can be harmful to you in your life. A therapist can help you to see the signs of gaslighting and help you to address it without losing who you are.
